Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
