porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize