I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize