Your tits are I can't wait for
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
