So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
