i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
