She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
