dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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