You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
