Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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