if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
