I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
