I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
