they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
