Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
