by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
