If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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