It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
