Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Even my vagina gasped.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
