Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize