Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize