i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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