Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
