yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
