All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
