the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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