Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Less talking, more tequila
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
