he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
