They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I smell like Dick and happiness
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
