Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
