Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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