I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
