So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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