There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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