i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
