I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
