I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
