Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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