he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
