sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize