After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
