just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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