i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
