please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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