I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize