She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
