i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
