If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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