I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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