tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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