and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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