I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize