Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
