Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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