the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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