Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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