The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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