If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
