How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize