Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
