I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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