she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
