Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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