I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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