you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
