also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
