you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
