I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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