Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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