If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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