Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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